Why, oh why, won't you sleep?

It has been at least 3.5 weeks (except one crazy night) since Cullen slept through the night. Yes, he is ten months old. Yes, I am an enabler. But mostly I blame it on David. I am still nursing, so when Cullen wakes up in the night, David tries to get him back to sleep. If Cullen senses I am around, all he can think about is warm milk! (This does something to your self esteem, I swear). So if that goes on too long, David gives up, and I end up feeding him. OK, maybe we are both enablers. Cullen had some terrible virus for several weeks, and you can't just let your baby cry when he is so sick that he can barely breathe! And then he was teething... So now we have created this MONSTER! OK, just a sweet baby who wants to snack all night. This would be one thing if I could sleep when the baby sleeps. But no, I am a non-so-lean, mean, hourly billing machine. Or so I am trying to be. Caffeine no longer works. Sugar no longer works. My body has officially declared war, and if I don't give in, who knows what is going to happen. I NEED SLEEP. Maybe it is my thyroid again (have I told you about my rare combination of Graves Disease AND Hashimotos that makes my thyroid a roller coaster that is never fun?). All I know is mama needs a break. So I'm taking one. Yes, it is 2:20 in the afternoon. Yes, I will have to work extra hard for a few days to make up for this. But yes, I am going home to take a nap. Case closed.

9 months

Since I last posted so much has happened! Cullen is crawling! He started right after he turned 9 months, and now he is all over the place. Of course, he is no conformist. He has his own, adorable little crawl. See for yourself!

He got his first tooth around the same time, and now he has three coming in. My little guy is growing up too fast! I'm just not ready for him not to be a baby anymore. But on the other hand, he is SO FUN right now. He has become so interactive, and we have this amazing bond. The past few weekends with him have been so amazing.

Since my last post, Cullen also had his first plane flight. I was really dreading the flight, but Cullen did remarkably well. We went to visit our friends in Atlanta and had such a great time (thanks, Sean and Camila!). Love that Southern hospitality! Cullen had so much fun meeting new friends, and I think that his time in the pool was the most fun he has ever had. A few pictures:

Yay for a two day weekend

After weekend after weekend with not near enough time with my little sweet pea, I just declared this Cullen weekend. It is all about you, baby. You are just the cutest and most fun thing ever. Cutest. Ever. You have become so popular that the daycare teachers who relieve your normal teachers for breaks come to visit you in the morning! So mama needs to get in on this and enjoy more Cullen time. So even though I "should" have worked this weekend, I'm taking time to enjoy baby boy.

At 8 months, here's what you're up to. You LOVE to throw things. Anything that goes in those hands is getting thrown. Your favorite toy is Ozarka water bottles. Ozarka is the best because it's extra squishy and makes lots of noise when you bite down on it. You are almost crawling. You get on all fours, but then you realize this is much too close to being on your stomach, which you still hate. So you drop to your tummy and roll over. But you love to stand. You will pull up on anything. You LOVE the dogs. There is nothing that makes you laugh like those dogs. You seem to like veggies more than fruit, so I'm hoping this means you didn't inherit your mama's sweet tooth. You have TONS of energy, and you love to grab things. When we take you to restaurants we have to make sure we keep you a safe distance from the table. There have already been a few accidents, but we do the best we can. So far they haven't kicked us out yet, though I am very sensitive to the dirty looks from the people who don't have kids. You are SO inquisitive. You are constantly leaning over to get a good look at something that interests you. Your teacher says you are the most curious baby in your class. You are also very affectionate with the baby girls. Well, one in particular. You love Charlie, and no matter where you start out at the beginning of the day, it doesn't take long before you and Charlie are next to each other. You are very sweet to her. You make friends everywhere you go. You have a smile for everyone, and make everyone feel special. You're a big flirt! You are very squirmy, but you still let mom rock you to sleep every night. And that is still the best part of my day. You are such a joy.

How do you do this?!

Let me begin by saying I should be working. But I need to take a break to ask HOW DO PEOPLE DO THIS?! Working full time and being a mom is HARD! And especially when you have a job that is as demanding as being a lawyer. I have NO TIME to do anything but work and spend an hour or so with Cullen each day of the week. To say this is overwhelming is an understatement.

Don't get me wrong. I feel unbelievably blessed that I have both of my dream jobs--attorney and mom. Really, I am living the dream, quite literally. But one of friends was so right when she said these first few years will be incredibly difficult because you will always feel guilty--guilty when you are with your baby because you aren't working and guilty when you're working because you're not with your baby. SO. TRUE.

And don't even get me started about how woefully behind I am in every other aspect of my life. Take for example thank you cards. Because of some other issues one of my baby showers was right about the time I started back to work. I have had NO TIME for thank you cards and I am terribly embarrassed. AND I just discovered a STACK of thank you cards that I never sent out from even before that. Oh goodness. And I can't send them now because they won't make sense. I literally get sick to my stomach when I think about it. Every time I walk by the office I feel sick. I can't even go in there now.

And I can't remember the last time I made it to the gym...

OK, enough griping. Back to work...

Six month pictures

Wendi has done it again! I absolutely LOVE Cullen's 6 month pictures!

Camila saves the day!

Camila, thank you thank you thank you. Thanks to your comment, I finally figured out the video issue! Now if I can figure out why my background isn't working. But who cares about the background when CULLEN'S VIDEOS ARE WORKING!

Did I mention that Cullen napped in his crib for the first time this weekend?! OK, maybe not the FIRST time. He napped in his crib twice when he was a few months old. It is such a relief to have a little time to do some work around the house while he is napping instead of holding him the entire time! And before you think, wow, what an indulgent mother, you should know that the daycare workers (who obviously deal with LOTS of babies) couldn't get him to sleep in his crib either until last week. It's amazing what just a few hours of free time can do!

Cullen also started pulling up last Thursday in his crib, and now he want to stand ALL THE TIME. Our little dude is growing up! And thanks to Camila I can show off his cute little videos!

The strike ends

No, I am not talking about football or basketball. I am talking about my strike from Blogger. I was beyond frustrated because my cute videos (that take forever to load) keep disappearing, so I just quit blogging. Every time I THINK about blogging I get angry. But this blog is about Cullen, so I need to just get over myself. Because you need to see Cullen and his cuteness.

Cullen and his cuteness loving the pool...

And his race driver toy...

And his jumper...

This kid is so cute that people will come all the way from London to see him...

See? How could I stay on strike?

The good, the bad, and the ugly

The good: Cullen is sitting up! It started last Saturday at Catherine's birthday party. I think he was showing off for everyone! Sometimes it is just for 15 seconds or so before he topples over, but, hey, the little guy is getting there! He has also discovered a great love for splashing. The tub makes him forget all his troubles (see below), and mom and dad let him splash until the tub is almost empty!

The bad: He is teething! YIKES!

The ugly: His ear infection got MUCH WORSE before it got better. We started him on antibiotics on Monday. By Wednesday, it was worse so the pediatrician switched him to a different antibiotic. By Friday... let's just say it was UGLY. But the magic antibiotic shot came to the rescue on Friday, and he SO is much. Now after almost no sleep for a week, David and I need a magic shot! But I did enjoy the cuddle time. We are just WAY behind at work because of missing almost the entire week. Now off to bed so we can try to make up for lost time tomorrow...

The case of the missing (very cute) videos

Where, oh where, have my videos gone? I keep noticing that the videos that I try time after time to load... and that finally do load... are now gone. (Insert soft crying sound). What is happening to my videos? Anyone have any ideas? And why am I having such trouble loading them?

Little Mr. Grumpy

I know I need to be more creative and come up with a new theme, here, but let me explain...

After two fabulous days of birthday parties this weekend, we had two nights with almost no sleep (thus my lack of creativity). Yep, that's right. Our oh-so-happy little guy turned into little mr. fussy pants. I'm talking will-not-sleep-unless-you-are-holding-me fussiness. So we headed to the pediatrician yesterday. The problem: what our pediatrician called a "full blown" double ear infection, a drool rash, and his first bug bites. So just after he's getting over the cold, now this! Poor little guy!

But reinforcement just got here, and all is good (enter Janny and Aunt Lindsay).

Little Miss Happy

I was so excited to see that Google's design today was based on the Mr. and Little Miss books. They were my favorite when I was a kid, and I just bought them for Cullen this past weekend. For those who haven't seen them, they are fabulous!

http://www.amazon.com/Mr-Happy-Men-Little-Miss/dp/0843178094

So just call me Little Miss Happy.

And speaking of Happy, I had the BEST first Mother's Day! This is how it started.

Yep, that's right, the famous little blue box. My FIRST one! Am I a lucky momma, or what? Lucky me! (And yay for our anniversary being in the same month as Mother's Day! Bigger gifts!) Of course, the REAL gifts are the two handsome guys in the picture. We had a fabulous brunch at Flora & Muse, my new favorite restaurant. You really MUST try this place. It is all kinds of European fabulousness. Coffee shop, flower shop, and restaurant all in one place! Need I say more?!

Baby's Got His Blue Jeans On

A nice, cool morning last week was the perfect opportunity for Cullen to wear his first pair of blue jeans. Stylin' little dude.

Perfect manners

I have always thought it was important to teach your children manners. Well, here's what Cullen thinks of my manners lessons.

Best drink ever

Today I discovered my new favorite drink. I think it is better than a margarita with WAY FEWER calories! Woohoo!

The Paloma

Combine the juice from 1 lime with 2-3 ounces of tequila (I prefer Patron), a pinch of salt, and ice in a glass. Fill the glass with grapefruit soda (like Fresca). ENJOY on a patio.

Maybe if I drink a few more I can figure out why my cute videos of Cullen won't load (please help if you have had the same problem... I just may make you a Paloma or two because I will be so grateful!)

SAWEET potatoes

On April 18, Cullen had his first little bit of solids. It was SWEET. Potatoes, that is.

Bounce with me

Cullen loves his bouncer. No I mean LOVES his bouncer. Thanks, Kelly!

Looking back

This Saturday Cullen was officially four months old! And four months for him marked one month that I have been back at work. So much for easing in slowly! I have been so busy! So far I have managed to keep the time Cullen gets home until he goes to bed strictly as baby time, but it has taken quite a bit of juggling and working almost every other waking moment. As I write, I am still wearing what I wore to bed last night because there was no time to do anything all day but work! Luckily, I have been able to work from home every now-and-then so I can squeeze a few more things into my day.

But my time with Cullen in the evenings is priceless. He is such a delightful little guy! He still loves naked baby time! And still hates tummy time and being in the car! I ventured to Lake Livingston to hang out with some of my favorite people this weekend, and on the way, he was fabulous. But the ride home was terrible. He screamed the ENTIRE time, that is, except every time I pulled over to comfort him (5 times). Let's just say it was a LONG drive.

He is also more and more aware of his surroundings and of new people. He lights up when he sees or hears David or me, which of course delights us!

Looking back at all the struggles we went through to have him, I feel so fortunate. I still remember the feeling of thinking I would never have a baby. And now I have this amazingly perfect son! Maybe the struggle makes me appreciate him even more.

Happy four month birthday, baby boy! Here's how you looked a month ago:

Comments

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He rolls!

My baby shoogs is THREE MONTHS old! I can hardly believe it! I started back to work last week, and boy-oh-boy do I miss him! But it is SO FUN to pick him up from daycare in the evenings.

I have decided that three months is the most perfect age. Cullen is an adorable, happy baby, his reflux is getting better, he takes some good naps in the afternoons, and he still loves to cuddle with mommy. I am loving it...

So here's what's going on with Cullen these days: He rolls! For a week or so he has been rolling over when he is doing tummy time (which he still hates).

He hates the car. I know, all other babies love the car, but not my little guy! He cries the entire time from home to daycare and back home in the evenings. This is really tough on mommy. We are hoping it improves soon.

He LOVES getting his diaper changed. Seriously! He will be crying and unhappy, and the moment that diaper comes off he is all smiles. Too bad diapers are so expensive! I'm sure I change his diaper way too often just because I love seeing him so happy!

He is quite the smiler, and there's nothing I love better than that toothless grin!

He already has a girlfriend! He and Vanessa, an adorable girl in his class, love looking at each other and sometimes even reach out for each other. It's pretty cute because they are total opposites. She is dark complected with lots of hair and dark eyes, and she has to weigh at least 2 pounds more than him! And he is my little light complected guy with the tiniest bit of blond hair and light blue eyes!

Cullen had his 3 month pictures taken today, so stay tuned for some new shots.

Am I a bad mom?

OK, so there are some things that really confuse me about being a mom, so I need some help.

1. How do you tell if a one-piece baby outfit is for sleeping or daytime? Cullen has gotten these cute little one-piece things, and I am so embarrassed that if he wears them to daycare the teachers are going to wonder why his lazy mom didn't take him out of his jammies.

2. Is it appropriate to bribe your daycare workers? I brought them cupcakes for Valentines Day. Do you do anything like that?

3. Why are there shoes for babies? I got some really cute shoes from friends for Cullen, and I always forget to put them on him. And once I tried to put them on, and I was afraid I was hurting him. Am I a bad mom if he doesn't always have shoes on?

4. Is there some secret to keeping baby socks on? Maybe that's what the shoes are for?

5. Why are baby sizes so weird? Cullen is only in the 40th percentile for weight an height, but he is already outgrowing some 0-3 month clothes and wearing some 3 month sizes (he is 11 weeks). If his is not even average for weight, what the heck is going on? And what is Ralph Lauren thinking? I swear, their clothes are TINY. I spent a ridiculous amount on a little outfit that was supposed to be for 3 month olds, and I swear it is already almost too small.

6. Why do people freak out about breastfeeding in public? I get not wanting to see someone's boob, but why is it so bad if they are covered up? I still don't have the nerve to do it... mostly because I'm afraid of being judged.

7. For those who are nursing and working, what do you do when you are in a work meeting and REALLY need to pump? I am so afraid of being at a hearing or a meeting and needing to pump. Some things really can't wait. I have thought about going to the bathroom to pump, but the pump is so loud, and I am afraid of what people will think if they come in the bathroom!

Learning to let go... a little...

Cullen started daycare this week, and my, has it been a roller coaster! The first day was terrible: mom crying, Cullen crying. He cried almost the entire day--from 8:30 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. I had planned to pick him up earlier, but my errands took longer than I expected. Boy did I feel mommy guilt when I picked him up and saw how exhausted he was! He was totally spaced out. He slept through the night that night for the first time (but unfortunately hasn't since then!).

But every day it has gotten gradually better. On Wednesday when I picked him up, he smiled at his teacher, which made me feel so much better. Then today the bad news! His teacher is leaving! Her father is sick, so she is moving to San Antonio. So today he is starting with his new teacher. I am anxious to see how it goes!

This learning to let go thing is very hard for me! I went from having a hard time letting people hold or feed Cullen to leaving him at day care for almost the entire day in just one week! I have so many mixed feelings about it. In some ways I think it will be better for him being exposed to other people, and I know he is in a truly loving and nurturing environment. And I must admit I am looking forward to going back to work. I love my work and my co-workers, and I miss it. But I know I will miss him (I miss him right now!). I am just hoping I can be a great lawyer and mom! I feel so grateful to be at this point in my life, having achieved the biggest goals I had for myself. And now for the next chapter...

10 weeks!

I can't believe our little man is 10 weeks today! Is he adorable, or what?! I am so excited that it looks like he's going to have his daddy's eyes (: At this point, he smiles at us all the time. He loves to try to stand up, he is a morning person like his mom, he coos quite a bit, and his favorite book is Snuggle Puppy (OK, maybe it's just mom's favorite). He is such a joy!

What he doesn't do much of is sleep! He had been sleeping a stretch of 5 or so hours at night, but the past few nights he has reverted back to eating every 3 hours. Hopefully he goes back to sleeping more, because it's going to be really hard to get through work if I am this tired!

Cullen's first long trip!

Cullen made his first long trip on Jan. 22. When I say long trip, I mean LONG trip! He and I went to Odessa to pick up my parents, then make the long haul to Odessa. This is a LONG trip when you have to stop every 3 hours for him to nurse! I am just now recovering! Cullen got to meet his uncle, cousins and great grandparents for the first time.

He was very happy about it!

Of course, you'll notice that in almost every picture he is covered in spit up! But the reflux does seem to be improving. Unfortunately, when we got home Cullen and I came down with a nasty cold, but we finally seem to be over it. Now for a few fleeting days before my maternity leave is over! I am sure going to miss spending my days with this little guy!

Six weeks!

I can't believe my little man is six weeks old! The time truly does fly! He is starting to look so much bigger and is outgrowing his newborn outfits. Yesterday at the pediatrician's office he weighed 10 lbs. 2 oz! That puts him in the 40th percentile, which is way up from last time. Yay! At least I know he is getting enough food!

Some great things have happened since my last posting. Cullen sometimes manages to get his thumb in his mouth, which is pretty cute. He smiles occaisionally and is getting better head control, though he HATES tummy time. He has started to make a few cooing noises, which always delight me. He hates being put down but LOVES the baby sling. Seriously, that thing is AWESOME, though carrying him in it so much is killing my back. He also loves dancing and napping with mom. It is amazing how attached we are to each other after only 6 weeks! I just adore him.

The reason we were at the pediatrician's office is another story... Cullen has been spitting up A LOT... sometimes the projectile kind. Sometimes he will soak 2 burp cloths (and me) in one feeding. And starting late last week he also starting crying during and after feedings. I was starting to worry about the dreaded c word (colic). But it turns out he has pretty bad reflux. So we got him some medicine yesterday. I CAN'T WAIT until it starts working. Until then we have a baby that cries half the day, and a mommy that cries along with him! The pediatrician says the medicine can take up to a week to start working. The only problem is that it won't help with the spitting up; that is something that just takes time to work itself out. So don't judge if you see me covered in puke. I have discovered that I don't have even close to enough shirts to change every time he spits up (15-20 times a day!). I know, it's disgusting. The things we do for our kids...

As for me, I am trying to adjust to the challenges of motherhood. Most of the time I absolutely love it, but when he cries it really kills me. Yesterday I had to pull off the road in bad traffic because he was crying in his car seat and I just couldn't take it. I guess it is all the hormones! Nursing in the car with traffic flying by is quite an experience. I am also trying to get back in shape, though that is pretty slow because you can't do much after a c-section. As of today, I have 12 more pounds to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Then I have about 5-7 more to get back to my pre-in vitro weight. As long as I can fit back into my work clothes when my maternity leave is over, I will consider that a huge success. We'll see!

Overall, motherhood is turning out to be a challenge but an absolute joy. I LOVE cuddling my little Cullen and can't imagine anything I'd rather be doing!