Am I a bad mom?

OK, so there are some things that really confuse me about being a mom, so I need some help.

1. How do you tell if a one-piece baby outfit is for sleeping or daytime? Cullen has gotten these cute little one-piece things, and I am so embarrassed that if he wears them to daycare the teachers are going to wonder why his lazy mom didn't take him out of his jammies.

2. Is it appropriate to bribe your daycare workers? I brought them cupcakes for Valentines Day. Do you do anything like that?

3. Why are there shoes for babies? I got some really cute shoes from friends for Cullen, and I always forget to put them on him. And once I tried to put them on, and I was afraid I was hurting him. Am I a bad mom if he doesn't always have shoes on?

4. Is there some secret to keeping baby socks on? Maybe that's what the shoes are for?

5. Why are baby sizes so weird? Cullen is only in the 40th percentile for weight an height, but he is already outgrowing some 0-3 month clothes and wearing some 3 month sizes (he is 11 weeks). If his is not even average for weight, what the heck is going on? And what is Ralph Lauren thinking? I swear, their clothes are TINY. I spent a ridiculous amount on a little outfit that was supposed to be for 3 month olds, and I swear it is already almost too small.

6. Why do people freak out about breastfeeding in public? I get not wanting to see someone's boob, but why is it so bad if they are covered up? I still don't have the nerve to do it... mostly because I'm afraid of being judged.

7. For those who are nursing and working, what do you do when you are in a work meeting and REALLY need to pump? I am so afraid of being at a hearing or a meeting and needing to pump. Some things really can't wait. I have thought about going to the bathroom to pump, but the pump is so loud, and I am afraid of what people will think if they come in the bathroom!

Learning to let go... a little...

Cullen started daycare this week, and my, has it been a roller coaster! The first day was terrible: mom crying, Cullen crying. He cried almost the entire day--from 8:30 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. I had planned to pick him up earlier, but my errands took longer than I expected. Boy did I feel mommy guilt when I picked him up and saw how exhausted he was! He was totally spaced out. He slept through the night that night for the first time (but unfortunately hasn't since then!).

But every day it has gotten gradually better. On Wednesday when I picked him up, he smiled at his teacher, which made me feel so much better. Then today the bad news! His teacher is leaving! Her father is sick, so she is moving to San Antonio. So today he is starting with his new teacher. I am anxious to see how it goes!

This learning to let go thing is very hard for me! I went from having a hard time letting people hold or feed Cullen to leaving him at day care for almost the entire day in just one week! I have so many mixed feelings about it. In some ways I think it will be better for him being exposed to other people, and I know he is in a truly loving and nurturing environment. And I must admit I am looking forward to going back to work. I love my work and my co-workers, and I miss it. But I know I will miss him (I miss him right now!). I am just hoping I can be a great lawyer and mom! I feel so grateful to be at this point in my life, having achieved the biggest goals I had for myself. And now for the next chapter...

10 weeks!

I can't believe our little man is 10 weeks today! Is he adorable, or what?! I am so excited that it looks like he's going to have his daddy's eyes (: At this point, he smiles at us all the time. He loves to try to stand up, he is a morning person like his mom, he coos quite a bit, and his favorite book is Snuggle Puppy (OK, maybe it's just mom's favorite). He is such a joy!

What he doesn't do much of is sleep! He had been sleeping a stretch of 5 or so hours at night, but the past few nights he has reverted back to eating every 3 hours. Hopefully he goes back to sleeping more, because it's going to be really hard to get through work if I am this tired!

Cullen's first long trip!

Cullen made his first long trip on Jan. 22. When I say long trip, I mean LONG trip! He and I went to Odessa to pick up my parents, then make the long haul to Odessa. This is a LONG trip when you have to stop every 3 hours for him to nurse! I am just now recovering! Cullen got to meet his uncle, cousins and great grandparents for the first time.

He was very happy about it!

Of course, you'll notice that in almost every picture he is covered in spit up! But the reflux does seem to be improving. Unfortunately, when we got home Cullen and I came down with a nasty cold, but we finally seem to be over it. Now for a few fleeting days before my maternity leave is over! I am sure going to miss spending my days with this little guy!