Am I a bad mom?

OK, so there are some things that really confuse me about being a mom, so I need some help.

1. How do you tell if a one-piece baby outfit is for sleeping or daytime? Cullen has gotten these cute little one-piece things, and I am so embarrassed that if he wears them to daycare the teachers are going to wonder why his lazy mom didn't take him out of his jammies.

2. Is it appropriate to bribe your daycare workers? I brought them cupcakes for Valentines Day. Do you do anything like that?

3. Why are there shoes for babies? I got some really cute shoes from friends for Cullen, and I always forget to put them on him. And once I tried to put them on, and I was afraid I was hurting him. Am I a bad mom if he doesn't always have shoes on?

4. Is there some secret to keeping baby socks on? Maybe that's what the shoes are for?

5. Why are baby sizes so weird? Cullen is only in the 40th percentile for weight an height, but he is already outgrowing some 0-3 month clothes and wearing some 3 month sizes (he is 11 weeks). If his is not even average for weight, what the heck is going on? And what is Ralph Lauren thinking? I swear, their clothes are TINY. I spent a ridiculous amount on a little outfit that was supposed to be for 3 month olds, and I swear it is already almost too small.

6. Why do people freak out about breastfeeding in public? I get not wanting to see someone's boob, but why is it so bad if they are covered up? I still don't have the nerve to do it... mostly because I'm afraid of being judged.

7. For those who are nursing and working, what do you do when you are in a work meeting and REALLY need to pump? I am so afraid of being at a hearing or a meeting and needing to pump. Some things really can't wait. I have thought about going to the bathroom to pump, but the pump is so loud, and I am afraid of what people will think if they come in the bathroom!

Learning to let go... a little...

Cullen started daycare this week, and my, has it been a roller coaster! The first day was terrible: mom crying, Cullen crying. He cried almost the entire day--from 8:30 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. I had planned to pick him up earlier, but my errands took longer than I expected. Boy did I feel mommy guilt when I picked him up and saw how exhausted he was! He was totally spaced out. He slept through the night that night for the first time (but unfortunately hasn't since then!).

But every day it has gotten gradually better. On Wednesday when I picked him up, he smiled at his teacher, which made me feel so much better. Then today the bad news! His teacher is leaving! Her father is sick, so she is moving to San Antonio. So today he is starting with his new teacher. I am anxious to see how it goes!

This learning to let go thing is very hard for me! I went from having a hard time letting people hold or feed Cullen to leaving him at day care for almost the entire day in just one week! I have so many mixed feelings about it. In some ways I think it will be better for him being exposed to other people, and I know he is in a truly loving and nurturing environment. And I must admit I am looking forward to going back to work. I love my work and my co-workers, and I miss it. But I know I will miss him (I miss him right now!). I am just hoping I can be a great lawyer and mom! I feel so grateful to be at this point in my life, having achieved the biggest goals I had for myself. And now for the next chapter...

10 weeks!

I can't believe our little man is 10 weeks today! Is he adorable, or what?! I am so excited that it looks like he's going to have his daddy's eyes (: At this point, he smiles at us all the time. He loves to try to stand up, he is a morning person like his mom, he coos quite a bit, and his favorite book is Snuggle Puppy (OK, maybe it's just mom's favorite). He is such a joy!

What he doesn't do much of is sleep! He had been sleeping a stretch of 5 or so hours at night, but the past few nights he has reverted back to eating every 3 hours. Hopefully he goes back to sleeping more, because it's going to be really hard to get through work if I am this tired!

Cullen's first long trip!

Cullen made his first long trip on Jan. 22. When I say long trip, I mean LONG trip! He and I went to Odessa to pick up my parents, then make the long haul to Odessa. This is a LONG trip when you have to stop every 3 hours for him to nurse! I am just now recovering! Cullen got to meet his uncle, cousins and great grandparents for the first time.

He was very happy about it!

Of course, you'll notice that in almost every picture he is covered in spit up! But the reflux does seem to be improving. Unfortunately, when we got home Cullen and I came down with a nasty cold, but we finally seem to be over it. Now for a few fleeting days before my maternity leave is over! I am sure going to miss spending my days with this little guy!

Six weeks!

I can't believe my little man is six weeks old! The time truly does fly! He is starting to look so much bigger and is outgrowing his newborn outfits. Yesterday at the pediatrician's office he weighed 10 lbs. 2 oz! That puts him in the 40th percentile, which is way up from last time. Yay! At least I know he is getting enough food!

Some great things have happened since my last posting. Cullen sometimes manages to get his thumb in his mouth, which is pretty cute. He smiles occaisionally and is getting better head control, though he HATES tummy time. He has started to make a few cooing noises, which always delight me. He hates being put down but LOVES the baby sling. Seriously, that thing is AWESOME, though carrying him in it so much is killing my back. He also loves dancing and napping with mom. It is amazing how attached we are to each other after only 6 weeks! I just adore him.

The reason we were at the pediatrician's office is another story... Cullen has been spitting up A LOT... sometimes the projectile kind. Sometimes he will soak 2 burp cloths (and me) in one feeding. And starting late last week he also starting crying during and after feedings. I was starting to worry about the dreaded c word (colic). But it turns out he has pretty bad reflux. So we got him some medicine yesterday. I CAN'T WAIT until it starts working. Until then we have a baby that cries half the day, and a mommy that cries along with him! The pediatrician says the medicine can take up to a week to start working. The only problem is that it won't help with the spitting up; that is something that just takes time to work itself out. So don't judge if you see me covered in puke. I have discovered that I don't have even close to enough shirts to change every time he spits up (15-20 times a day!). I know, it's disgusting. The things we do for our kids...

As for me, I am trying to adjust to the challenges of motherhood. Most of the time I absolutely love it, but when he cries it really kills me. Yesterday I had to pull off the road in bad traffic because he was crying in his car seat and I just couldn't take it. I guess it is all the hormones! Nursing in the car with traffic flying by is quite an experience. I am also trying to get back in shape, though that is pretty slow because you can't do much after a c-section. As of today, I have 12 more pounds to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Then I have about 5-7 more to get back to my pre-in vitro weight. As long as I can fit back into my work clothes when my maternity leave is over, I will consider that a huge success. We'll see!

Overall, motherhood is turning out to be a challenge but an absolute joy. I LOVE cuddling my little Cullen and can't imagine anything I'd rather be doing!

A very merry Christmas

Our first Christmas with Cullen was amazing! He is definitely the best Christmas gift ever!

We had a little fun with mustaches (:

Does this get easier?!

As much as I love being a mom, this is hard work! The nursing is definitely wearing me out. Cullen eats every 2-3 hours, and each feeding takes an hour or so. Then he gets fussy for a while. By the time he is changed and happy, I only have an hour or so before it's time to start all over again! And he usually wants to be held for that hour. So I am learning to do everything with one hand. And the laundry! Cullen spits up all the time, so I am constantly changing his clothes, sheets, etc. I do at least 2 loads every other day. I'm not sure how I'm going to pull off cooking for Christmas, but I am determined to do it! Hopefully I will get better at all of this!