Looking back

This Saturday Cullen was officially four months old! And four months for him marked one month that I have been back at work. So much for easing in slowly! I have been so busy! So far I have managed to keep the time Cullen gets home until he goes to bed strictly as baby time, but it has taken quite a bit of juggling and working almost every other waking moment. As I write, I am still wearing what I wore to bed last night because there was no time to do anything all day but work! Luckily, I have been able to work from home every now-and-then so I can squeeze a few more things into my day.

But my time with Cullen in the evenings is priceless. He is such a delightful little guy! He still loves naked baby time! And still hates tummy time and being in the car! I ventured to Lake Livingston to hang out with some of my favorite people this weekend, and on the way, he was fabulous. But the ride home was terrible. He screamed the ENTIRE time, that is, except every time I pulled over to comfort him (5 times). Let's just say it was a LONG drive.

He is also more and more aware of his surroundings and of new people. He lights up when he sees or hears David or me, which of course delights us!

Looking back at all the struggles we went through to have him, I feel so fortunate. I still remember the feeling of thinking I would never have a baby. And now I have this amazingly perfect son! Maybe the struggle makes me appreciate him even more.

Happy four month birthday, baby boy! Here's how you looked a month ago:

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He rolls!

My baby shoogs is THREE MONTHS old! I can hardly believe it! I started back to work last week, and boy-oh-boy do I miss him! But it is SO FUN to pick him up from daycare in the evenings.

I have decided that three months is the most perfect age. Cullen is an adorable, happy baby, his reflux is getting better, he takes some good naps in the afternoons, and he still loves to cuddle with mommy. I am loving it...

So here's what's going on with Cullen these days: He rolls! For a week or so he has been rolling over when he is doing tummy time (which he still hates).

He hates the car. I know, all other babies love the car, but not my little guy! He cries the entire time from home to daycare and back home in the evenings. This is really tough on mommy. We are hoping it improves soon.

He LOVES getting his diaper changed. Seriously! He will be crying and unhappy, and the moment that diaper comes off he is all smiles. Too bad diapers are so expensive! I'm sure I change his diaper way too often just because I love seeing him so happy!

He is quite the smiler, and there's nothing I love better than that toothless grin!

He already has a girlfriend! He and Vanessa, an adorable girl in his class, love looking at each other and sometimes even reach out for each other. It's pretty cute because they are total opposites. She is dark complected with lots of hair and dark eyes, and she has to weigh at least 2 pounds more than him! And he is my little light complected guy with the tiniest bit of blond hair and light blue eyes!

Cullen had his 3 month pictures taken today, so stay tuned for some new shots.

Am I a bad mom?

OK, so there are some things that really confuse me about being a mom, so I need some help.

1. How do you tell if a one-piece baby outfit is for sleeping or daytime? Cullen has gotten these cute little one-piece things, and I am so embarrassed that if he wears them to daycare the teachers are going to wonder why his lazy mom didn't take him out of his jammies.

2. Is it appropriate to bribe your daycare workers? I brought them cupcakes for Valentines Day. Do you do anything like that?

3. Why are there shoes for babies? I got some really cute shoes from friends for Cullen, and I always forget to put them on him. And once I tried to put them on, and I was afraid I was hurting him. Am I a bad mom if he doesn't always have shoes on?

4. Is there some secret to keeping baby socks on? Maybe that's what the shoes are for?

5. Why are baby sizes so weird? Cullen is only in the 40th percentile for weight an height, but he is already outgrowing some 0-3 month clothes and wearing some 3 month sizes (he is 11 weeks). If his is not even average for weight, what the heck is going on? And what is Ralph Lauren thinking? I swear, their clothes are TINY. I spent a ridiculous amount on a little outfit that was supposed to be for 3 month olds, and I swear it is already almost too small.

6. Why do people freak out about breastfeeding in public? I get not wanting to see someone's boob, but why is it so bad if they are covered up? I still don't have the nerve to do it... mostly because I'm afraid of being judged.

7. For those who are nursing and working, what do you do when you are in a work meeting and REALLY need to pump? I am so afraid of being at a hearing or a meeting and needing to pump. Some things really can't wait. I have thought about going to the bathroom to pump, but the pump is so loud, and I am afraid of what people will think if they come in the bathroom!

Learning to let go... a little...

Cullen started daycare this week, and my, has it been a roller coaster! The first day was terrible: mom crying, Cullen crying. He cried almost the entire day--from 8:30 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. I had planned to pick him up earlier, but my errands took longer than I expected. Boy did I feel mommy guilt when I picked him up and saw how exhausted he was! He was totally spaced out. He slept through the night that night for the first time (but unfortunately hasn't since then!).

But every day it has gotten gradually better. On Wednesday when I picked him up, he smiled at his teacher, which made me feel so much better. Then today the bad news! His teacher is leaving! Her father is sick, so she is moving to San Antonio. So today he is starting with his new teacher. I am anxious to see how it goes!

This learning to let go thing is very hard for me! I went from having a hard time letting people hold or feed Cullen to leaving him at day care for almost the entire day in just one week! I have so many mixed feelings about it. In some ways I think it will be better for him being exposed to other people, and I know he is in a truly loving and nurturing environment. And I must admit I am looking forward to going back to work. I love my work and my co-workers, and I miss it. But I know I will miss him (I miss him right now!). I am just hoping I can be a great lawyer and mom! I feel so grateful to be at this point in my life, having achieved the biggest goals I had for myself. And now for the next chapter...

10 weeks!

I can't believe our little man is 10 weeks today! Is he adorable, or what?! I am so excited that it looks like he's going to have his daddy's eyes (: At this point, he smiles at us all the time. He loves to try to stand up, he is a morning person like his mom, he coos quite a bit, and his favorite book is Snuggle Puppy (OK, maybe it's just mom's favorite). He is such a joy!

What he doesn't do much of is sleep! He had been sleeping a stretch of 5 or so hours at night, but the past few nights he has reverted back to eating every 3 hours. Hopefully he goes back to sleeping more, because it's going to be really hard to get through work if I am this tired!

Cullen's first long trip!

Cullen made his first long trip on Jan. 22. When I say long trip, I mean LONG trip! He and I went to Odessa to pick up my parents, then make the long haul to Odessa. This is a LONG trip when you have to stop every 3 hours for him to nurse! I am just now recovering! Cullen got to meet his uncle, cousins and great grandparents for the first time.

He was very happy about it!

Of course, you'll notice that in almost every picture he is covered in spit up! But the reflux does seem to be improving. Unfortunately, when we got home Cullen and I came down with a nasty cold, but we finally seem to be over it. Now for a few fleeting days before my maternity leave is over! I am sure going to miss spending my days with this little guy!